Today I ate at a Chinese restaurant, and my fortune cookie fortune said this...
"This year your highest priority will be your family"
(The Chinese character for fortune is part of the Japanese word for "Blessing")

I smile because usually my fortunes are really random, but this time it was actually relevant.  After many years living on my own and being independent, I have come back to my roots.  At first I felt like a kid again, coming back to live with my parents in the same house I grew up in...  What happened to my freedom?  On top of that, my Grandma moved in a couple months after I moved back from Japan and all of a sudden I had to share my space with someone else.

In the beginning, I made efforts to welcome Grandma and accommodate to her needs...  Help her up the stairs, open the car door, take her out for walks, fix her some lunch,... but then I started to get tired.  Constantly putting others before yourself is a lot of work.  It takes time, energy, selflessness, and lots of love to live this kind of life style.  I'm realizing that by nature I am selfish.  If I want to love others well, I can not rely on my own strength as a power source because it runs out quickly.  I must constantly ask God to help me to love others the way Jesus would;  to put others first and not think about myself all the time. 

It's easy to love people who are easy to love.  That seems like common sense, but if you really think about it, maybe it will challenge you to love others that are harder to love.  Who might that be in your life right now?  For me, it's my Grandma.  She has reverted to child-like behavior and can't really take care of herself.  It's difficult to communicate with her because she either can't hear or has a hard time understanding.  Living with her has made me deal with feelings of guilt, failure, resentment, depression... but for some weird reason I am learning to be thankful and seeing this as my fortune come true and my blessing in disguise. 

For some reason, I woke up really early as the sun was just beginning to rise.  I tried to go back to sleep, but God was trying to get my attention.  I opened up my journal and Bible in the quietness of the morning and God brought me to Psalm 40.  I was so refreshed, and want to share it with you:

"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a praise-song to our God.
Many will see and fear
abandoning themselves to God.
Blessed are you who give yourselves to God,
turn your backs on the world's "sure thing,"
ignore what the world worships;
Nothing and no one comes close to you!
I start talking about you, telling what I know, and quickly run out of words.
Neither number nor words account for you.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire;
Being religious, action piousー
that's not what you're asking for.
You've opened my ears so I can listen.
Then I said, "Here I am, I have comeー
That's when God's Word entered my life,
became part of my very being.
I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly,
I do not seal my lips as you know, O Lord. 
I did not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I didn’t hold back pieces of love and truth from the great assembly. 
Now God, don’t hold out on me,
don’t hold back your passion. 
Your love and truth are all that keeps me together.
When troubles ganged up on me,
a mob of sins past counting,
I was so swamped by guilt
I couldn’t see my way clear.
More guilt in my heart than hair on my head,
so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out.
Be pleased, O Lord, to save me;
O Lord, come quickly to help me.
So those who are trying to kidnap my soul
will be embarrassed and lose face.
So anyone who gets a kick out of making me miserable
will be heckled and disgraced.
May those who say to me “Aha!Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you;
Let those who know what you’re all about
tell the world you’re great and not quitting.
And me?  I’m a mess.  I’m nothing and have nothing:
I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.”

-Psalm 40:1-17 (NIV & Message Remix Translation)

It's been about 2 months since I've been home-home (San Francisco).  When you go away you can have many different homes, so sometimes I have to distinguish which home by saying "home-home". 

I thought it would be easy to adjust to being back in the city.  Everything is familiar, comfortable, slower-pace, family... But I have found that after living in Japan for 2 years doing mission work in Tokyo, it's not that easy to readjust. 

Home is home, but I am having a hard time figuring out where  I fit in. 
One step at a time...

Christmas is almost here, so I thought I better give an update!

The weather: The temperature has significantly dropped since the end of November, right around Thanksgiving.  It doesn't really snow at all in Tokyo, but I have become a pro at layering and trying to stay warm. 

Spiritual climate: When I compare this year to last year, it seems like Japanese university students are a lot more receptive to the Gospel.  Especially during the holiday season, it's easier to talk about Jesus and the real meaning of Christmas.  The other day I got to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" (a classic) and was reminded that sometimes we over-commercialize Christmas.  In Japan, Christmas has somehow become a couple-y holiday.  However, the real meaning of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus!!! 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!

It's so crazy how one day I can wake up in San Francisco... surrounded by familiarity, family, friends, fog, ocean...
Me & the Girls (Jockettes) Reunited!!!  Congrats to MeL who just got engaged =)


Golden Gate Bridge in the FOG...


on a clear day just at sunset with Fumi (my friend from Kyoto) and Jon


Jon took us to his farm and gave us the grand tour.  A beautiful place off Highway 1.  What a view...


My new favorite "tea" shirt!!! 


And now...after flying through the clouds...

I wake up today and I'm back in Tokyo... back to the busy, crowded, trendy, efficient, lonely, BIG city I call home for the  next year:

My first day back, there was a typhoon!  Fortunately, it has passed and now it's HOT and HUMID.  note to the reader: don't come to Japan in the summer time (especially in August) if you want to avoid heat stroke or this heat rash that I think I'm developing. 
I'm still a little disoriented with my time zones.... I've been waking up in the early a.m. hours the past couple of days.  I'm in transition now.  Living out of my suitcase and old apartment until they give the Okay for us to move into our new place.  I have 2 roomates now, for a total of 3 of us, thus- the move... I'm excited! 
After we settle in (the Re-STINTers), we will help welcome/receive the rest of our teammates who will arrive on the 21st. 

japanese lesson of the day: Mushi-atsui (hot & humid)